Hallie Fogarty
I will enjoy this life
by Hallie Fogarty
I will eat slices of pineapple until they start to bite back, then keep eating because the juice is just too sweet. I will run up my credit card bill. I will go out to eat. I will make friends, kiss friends, keep friend groups together. I will read good books, seek out orange things. I will love when my body is trying so hard to hate. I will love my body when it’s trying so hard to crumble. I will not think things when I’m supposed to feel them. I will not fear that I have never met myself. I will do things I want to. I will do things I’m afraid of. I will seek comfort only so far as it serves me. I will seek discomfort and when it sparks something inside of me, I will let it shimmer. I will not squash it down. I will lighten loads. I will share my secrets. I will try new things. I will stop being afraid of trying. I will keep looking. I will try to stop remembering. I will seek out rhyme. I will be whoever my body wants me to be. I will stop letting my mind take over the conversation. I will drink Diet Coke on balconies. I will stay in shady hotels. I will nourish broken things. I will seek out sweetness. I will look things in the eye. I will be okay with fear. I will stop thinking about the end of the universe. I will stop thinking about death. I will let myself think of whatever my mind makes up. I will stop moralizing thought patterns. I will reintroduce myself. I will remember myself. I will reinvent myself. I will stop being afraid of being in pieces.