What if I Don't Like My Roommate?
Whether you just graduated high school or are returning from a gap year, college is a completely new time in your life filled with many unknowns and questions like Did I choose the right school? The right major? What if I don’t like my roommate?
It’s totally ok to have these worries. In fact, a lot of the same people you will eventually meet on campus are wondering about the exact same things! For this reason, there are people and processes in place to help you adjust to your new life and succeed in college, whether in the classroom or in the residence halls.
Let’s take a closer look at the question: What if I don’t like my roommate?
What is the benefit of having a roommate?
Maybe you’ve shared a room with a sibling before, or maybe you’ve had your own room your entire life. Either way, sharing a room and living with a roommate may be a new experience. It might be the first time you’ve had to compromise and/or advocate for yourself regarding sharing space, and it’s with someone you might not know very well at first. But that doesn’t mean it has to be scary.
Learning how to deal with conflict is an essential life skill. Usually, conflicts between students stem from different upbringings and ways of life. Working together to resolve conflict and achieve a compromise that works with both roommates helps prepare students for life after college.
Also, while you don’t have to be best friends with your roommate, they are still one of the first people you get to know on campus. They can be one of the people you attend events with or sit with at lunch the first week. They might even be in some of the same classes as you, and they can become someone you ask questions, share notes, or study with.
How are roommates assigned?
Students may request to be roommates for many reasons. Maybe you grew up together, are related, met one another at orientation and “clicked” or connected through social media.
Or you may be paired with a roommate by residence life staff who use surveys that you fill out to match you with someone. For more information about the roommate selection process, visit our post How Does College Match Freshmen Roommates?
Should I room with somebody I already know?
That’s totally up to you. It can be nice to share a room with a familiar face, but that doesn’t always mean you’ll get along perfectly. The key to a successful roommate experience isn’t dependent on whether you know the person coming in or not but rather communicating well about conflict and preferences once both of you are on campus.
What are some common causes of roommate conflict?
- Cleanliness of the room
- Sharing/borrowing of clothes, food or other items
- Touching or moving a roommate’s stuff or having guests who use the roommate’s stuff/space
- Sleep/wake schedules
- Talking loudly on the phone or using speaker phone
How is Roommate conflict resolved on Campus?
The first week of college, residence life staff sit down with each roommate pair and create a Roommate Agreement. This is a document that helps cover areas that are important to you and typically cause conflict. These are things like room cleanliness preferences, usual wake-up times, and if you are ok with sharing or not. Filling this out with your roommate ahead of time helps both of you to be on the same page for what you agree is ok for your room.
When conflict arises, did you first share your frustrations with your roommate? Sometimes all it takes is a little communication for a problem to be fixed. It could be that your roommate didn’t even realize that something they were doing was bothering you.
If there’s still conflict, residence life staff members are trained in facilitating conversations in a constructive way through a process called mediation. Both residents are invited to share their concerns with the goal of understanding each other before reaching an agreement.
Can I live in a single room?
Students typically don’t like having these open conversations and will instead ask, “Can I move to a single room?” After trying mediation, sometimes the answer is yes. However, you are more likely to be paired with a new roommate. Single rooms may not be available, you may need to move out of a building you otherwise enjoy or a single room could cost too much.
What can I do to ensure compatibility?
Once again, you don’t have to be best friends with your roommate, but the best way to ensure that you’ll be able to coexist with whoever you are paired with is to fill out the lifestyle questionnaire. This questionnaire asks questions about personality, study habits, cleanliness, musical preferences, sleeping habits, and other things that help residence life staff pair you with similar preferences. Be honest with this form! You will be the one living with the person chosen based on these answers.